Coming out of the light

I usually write funny, sometimes irreverent things and I laugh at others or myself (mostly) when I write.  I have a journal that I haven't touched in a while and I sometimes think that no one really wants to read what's on my mind.  But - there are times, when I miss writing.  Writing the funny stories of my life or writing the pain that I'm in.  I miss having that outlet. Blogging seems like a really personal way to share my emotions, my fears, my goals, my life basically.  And sometimes, I need to do just that.  Tonight is one of those nights.

It's been a long time since I've done this.  Almost two years. So I'll start small.

The last year of my life has been one of those "hard knock" times that I wouldn't wish on anyone.  Granted, I've been very blessed with the people that have made it so much easier for me and realize that sometimes it just takes a friendly smile or random text to make my day.  Going through a divorce, I always heard people talk about "the first year".  I was told my emotions would be as uncontrollable as a menopausal woman.  I was told I would lose friends. I was told that I would drive myself crazy with self doubt and pity parties.

But you know what's something they didn't tell me?   They didn't tell me how strong I would feel to hold my ground when needed. They didn't tell me of those random acquaintances that would become close friends as they stepped up to the plate and were there when best friends were not. They didn't warn me of the joy I would feel to know that I am stronger than I ever was and can absolutely do this on my own.

So with all the negative has come A LOT of positive and for that, I am grateful.  I needed to put this down - because my life is awesome.  I'm free to be who I want to be and can write my own story now.  It's not "we" anymore.  It's "me" and it couldn't feel more freeing.

This is what's in my head right now...

• For those of you who see my FB account - you know my battle with a certain person over my "flip flops".   I think I'm winning it.  His problem is, he's a guy and very not fashion forward. I'm not saying that I am, but at least I know the difference between a flip flop and a wedge.  Or peep-toe shoes.   Apparently - if he can see my toes, they are flip flops.   Anyone know where to find some clear closed-toe shoes?!   If I didn't know better, I think he really just doesn't like toes. 

• One of my friends is taking a pole dancing aerobics class.  If my schedule weren't so hectic, I would totally just go to observe.  Yeah - what did you think I would say?  That's I would try it?!  The last time I got close to a pole was ... well, South Beach.   And I only remember bits and pieces of that night. 

• Looking for a job in this economy is not the best thing in the world.  But I'm trying.  Although, I probably shouldn't list this blog on my resume.  They might read that I tend to get drunk from time to time (to help out the police!) and might not find that "hire worthy".  Ok, scratch that.  I might also want to take off the paragraph that says "will work for nearly free".   And by nearly free I mean about 250K.  Hey, my wittiness comes with a price.  So does my horrible spelling from time to time.