I usually write funny, sometimes irreverent things and I laugh at others or myself (mostly) when I write. I have a journal that I haven't touched in a while and I sometimes think that no one really wants to read what's on my mind. But - there are times, when I miss writing. Writing the funny stories of my life or writing the pain that I'm in. I miss having that outlet. Blogging seems like a really personal way to share my emotions, my fears, my goals, my life basically. And sometimes, I need to do just that. Tonight is one of those nights.
It's been a long time since I've done this. Almost two years. So I'll start small.
The last year of my life has been one of those "hard knock" times that I wouldn't wish on anyone. Granted, I've been very blessed with the people that have made it so much easier for me and realize that sometimes it just takes a friendly smile or random text to make my day. Going through a divorce, I always heard people talk about "the first year". I was told my emotions would be as uncontrollable as a menopausal woman. I was told I would lose friends. I was told that I would drive myself crazy with self doubt and pity parties.
But you know what's something they didn't tell me? They didn't tell me how strong I would feel to hold my ground when needed. They didn't tell me of those random acquaintances that would become close friends as they stepped up to the plate and were there when best friends were not. They didn't warn me of the joy I would feel to know that I am stronger than I ever was and can absolutely do this on my own.
So with all the negative has come A LOT of positive and for that, I am grateful. I needed to put this down - because my life is awesome. I'm free to be who I want to be and can write my own story now. It's not "we" anymore. It's "me" and it couldn't feel more freeing.